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So I've Decided To Start A Blog...

I'm Emily!! I'm a thirtysomething year old girl (can I still refer to myself as a girl?) winging my way through life... parenthood came to me earlier than I possibly would have thought it would but I'm so glad it did. It's all I ever really wanted to be - a mum. At school, sat in that dingy little careers office, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. It has always been a frustration of mine, an insecurity, a glitch embedded in my persona. I've always seen it as a weakness but I suppose as there was never a 'career' pushing me, it made me know that children was a hopeful certainty (after all we never really know its going to truly happen until it happens..) so in March 2007 my "mum" journey began. I've been so very fortunate to be blessed with not one but three wonderful daughters. However, I'd love to sit here and say parenthood and life has been a breeze, but that would be a complete lie. Unfortunately, although my relationship with motherhood and my firstborn was going well, we bonded instantly and I found I had a love I never ever thought possible, my love affair with her biological father was rather short lived. There were problems within the relationship, however, being young and naïve, and in the words of Moulin Rouge I hoped that "Love would conquer all"!! how wrong was I?? Cut a long story short after deciding men weren't worth it, I met a man who would change the course of my life forever. This man, my man, my wonderful knight in shining armour, my prince charming came in the form of my wonderful "Bikey" boyfriend, now husband, Andy. He has been my rock and my love through some truly dark periods of my life. I was a broken and wounded young mum with issues and he has stuck by me...just about. There were some pretty hairy moments where I pushed and pushed him to the brink of despair but he's stuck by me and in all fairness I've stuck by him too. Its a game of two halves - this thing called marriage. I've battled through my insecurities and Post Natal Depression, and I finally feel that as I'm approaching my mid thirties - I'm finally happy with me. I like myself and I'm proud of the person I am. Its always been other people that have bothered me, making me question myself and I've always been a bit scared to break the mould. I've always found life easier to go along with the flow although this has not always sat well with me. I've always felt like I'm a bit different to the norm... but been too scared to go against the flow of life and people and their opinions. Other people and their opinions don't always make this "adulting shizz" an easy crack, they really don't. However, after a close family member being significantly ill last year its made me think... what if? What if I go against the flow? What if I let my creative streak out? What if I let others see the person I really am? Life is truly far too short to wonder what could have been...? or think if only I'd just done this or that? If only I'd had the guts to try something different something scary? what is that saying? "If something doesn't scare you it's not big enough to be worth doing"?? or something like that... So this is me, this is scared little old me putting myself out there doing something that frightens me but something worth while. Follow my journey with me navigating my way through parenting my three wonderful girls, learning from my mistakes. Allow me to share my experience and maybe help someone out there if they are going through a tough time. That is my goal and this is my journey. let me know what you think!! Speak soon, Em.x

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